Fight Features with Aaron Weissenfluh Vol 1.6 Mythical Matchups

With the announcement by Manny Pacquiao that he'll be taking on former champion and all around good human being, Shane Mosley, the year is ending with a drop of crystallized urine.  Forget that Mosley hasn't won a fight in nearly two years.  Forget the fact that Mosley lost to Miguel Cotto and Floyd Mayweather, both opponents that Pacquaio has defeated.  (There was no Mayweather vs. Pacquiao fight in the ring, but clearly, Pacman is kicking the turd sticks out of him outside the ring).  Manny Pacquiao wants another popular, aging fighter on his already long resume.  Plus he thinks it will help solidify his goal to become the Philippines wealthiest human.

This isn't a fight that anyone with any sense or disposable income wants to see.  We want to see Mayweather do a few years behind bars then come back to mirror the career of Mike Tyson who was knocked out by an aging Lennox Lewis.  To honor Floyd's future career as an ex-con, here are my top five mythical matchups that never happened due to either the space-time continuum or a rash of well contrived excuses.


5. Mike Tyson vs. Muhammad Ali (1971, neutral site - Vientiane, Laos) - These two fighters share a common history...sentences.  Ali was sentenced to 5 years but never served a day.  Tyson was sentenced to 10 years and served three.  Ali spoke in complete sentences. Mike has yet to complete a sentence.  Both were out of boxing for three years.  To catch both of them in their prime is a fight fan's dream.  Tyson wins the first fight by TKO in the 14th.  Two rematches are scheduled.  The next two fights Tyson loses after getting frustrated that he can't hit or see Ali.  After losing, Mike simply states, "I broke my back.  My back is broken...spinal..." 

Video Link: Broke Back Boxing

4. Oscar DeLaHoya & Julio Cesar Chavez vs. Roberto Duran & Alexis Arguello (1980ish - Manchester, England)- This tag team match features North America vs. Central America with US/Mexican DeLaHoya teaming up with the Mexican great Chavez to take on the Nicaraguan/Panamanian duo. In probably the best 30 round fight in history, Chavez bleeds 4 gallons of blood while DeLaHoya's face turns completely red in the first round.  Arguello appears to actually lose weight during the fight as he's fighting more rounds than his partner whose rough beard weighs more than his over sized head.  In a seesaw battle, the Mexican duo outpoint the Central Americans 286 - 284 on all 6 of the judges scorecards. It earns fight of the year honors to the fledgling Home Box Office channel.

3. Sugar Ray Robinson vs. Sugar Shane Mosley vs. Sugar Ray Leonard (1942 - Wellington, New Zealand) - With over 200 fights to his name, Robinson destroys Mosley then a week later dislocates Sugar Ray Leonard's eye on the way to a clean knockout in the 7th round.   Without a doubt, Robinson was the greatest fighter in the history of the sport.  That someone with less than a hundred fights would take the name Sugar is an abomination.  Robinson not only wins both matches but punishes the mouthy Leonard while shunning Shane.  Post fight conversations are limited as the always classy Robinson simply states, "they are both great fighters but they don't deserve the name sugar and that goes for you too Mr. Bert Sugar." 

2. Jack Johnson vs. George Foreman (1914, Leavenworth, KS) - The first black heavyweight champion against a frightening heavyweight champion (pre-grill).  Weighing in at 215 pounds, the fighter known as the Galveston Giant appears smaller than the 225 pound Big George Foreman.  The stare down scares the hell out of everyone in attendance while those listening to the radio have small seizures in response to the silent stare down.  Over the first two rounds, 692 punches are thrown all of which sound like M-80s in a toilet.  The thumps of leather to flesh are sickening but both fighters withstand the damage.  Both fighters agree to sit on their stools from the 5th to the 9th after George complains about the smoky air that he's been forced to breathe.  Foreman loses by knockout in the 17th as Jack Johnson catches him with a bolo punch.  Foreman takes 20 years off then calls Johnson out of retirement.  Johnson agrees to fight left handed and loses in the 12th and final round of the rematch.

1. Muhammad Ali vs. Rocky Marciano (1952, Havana, Cuba) - This could arguably be the best heavyweight match of all time.  Picture a young Marciano in his ill fitting black trunks against a fast moving, fast talking Ali.  The undefeated Brockton Brawler against the Louisville Lip.  Rocky was the blueprint fighter for guys like Frazier and Ali so it would be a great match.  Medieval ticket prices would be somewhere in the $5 range but you'd have to wear a suit, tie and hat..and put up with a smoke cloud the size of Brooklyn.  This fight ends in a draw.  Four rematches ensue. Four draws are recorded and barber shop owners around the world breathe a sigh of relief as they can continue to fuel the fire of who was the greatest of all time.

Happy New Year everyone.  For those of you that don't celebrate the New Year drinking yourselves into a deaf, blind stupor, I wish you the best while driving your drunk brother in law who looks more like Larry the Cable guy than a boxer safely home.